The Complication of Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a human necessity. It’s not unique to one person. It’s not one always needing it. It’s not one always needing to give it. It’s an every body condition. The latest personal forgiveness hurdle is an interwoven masterpiece of red haze, rose colored memories, and glass shards. If it was just me, jumping it by discarding everything would’ve been a piece of cake. Burn everything and hope it doesn’t start a wildfire. While most things are gone, the interlacing of one toxic decision with multiple lives makes the true test of forgiveness. The wrongs pop up in memories and that devil of a facebook app.

We were inexplicably and violently banished for menial reasons. A reminder we had little control or say in this toxic decision which made it even more lethal. So I seethed and burned, tossed. Everything. Then wrong pops out of my child’s mouth for years as she is still processing how a person could be so selfish and not consider her at all after six years of closeness. The toxicity seeped into our lives and seemed inescapable.

Over the last year, the seething has been slowly replaced by disappointment and sighs. Time isn’t the great healer. Trust me. However, careful thought over the ordeal has us trudging through the complicated process. It’s messy. We can’t disregard what was there in those rosy memories. We must balance between reminiscing and mourning our loss. We must let go for our own sakes. Forgiveness isn’t a pious ritual to elevate one’s self. It’s in the trenches with grit and commitment to remove nuclear human decisions and actions. Its divine help in those war torn mental places. Whether you are forgiving yourself or someone else, it is the essential survival of your soul.

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