The thirty birthday thing…

Having my Rachel moment about my thirties, it just took three years to get there.  If you’re older, go ahead and roll your eyes. You were there once. Three decades of childhood, adolescence, career, marriage, and children.  It seems as though so much life has been done and panic sets in.  It’s not done or close to it.  However, it becomes a different perspective and a sudden restock of life experiences or lack thereof.  There is a different filter my decisions go through; there are limitations in my age and life dynamics that weren’t there before.  Am I where I want to be? Yes and no.  I wouldn’t trade my family for anything, so there’s my yes. But it isn’t my total sense of self and children grow up.  So there’s my no.  I don’t want to lose that sense of self that as a single I had so strongly but I don’t want it to over ride the lack of self that is so important now.  Where is that balance in my chaos? More often than not I struggle with the super woman complex and given into the mounting pressures self imposed, others imposed, and society imposed.

 So that thirty birthday thing has my dreams and drives reshift in that new perspective.  I don’t want exist day to day.  I don’t want to miss out on opportunities and adventures.  I want allowance to change and explore.  I want fulfilled dreams and flexibility in those dreams.  As I have discovered more in my thirties, I have the tenacity and wisdom now to accomplish it.  The perseverance I now possess can set limits and push through goals that my impulsive young adult hood couldn’t quite grasp.  In that perseverance, finding balance will be a priority.  I won’t be defined by my age but I won’t let it be a sore point either. The thirty birthday thing isn’t a despondent milestone; it is a motivation for more life.